Physical violence is physical violence. Humiliation is humiliation. We identify them as abusive, because they are. When you hit someone, you hurt them. When you humiliate someone, you degrade them. What is so hard to understand about this concept? Consent doesn’t make it un-abusive. We would have to blame anyone staying in an abusive relationship or having a wrong perception of the abuser as justifying the abuse. But it’s not just the perception of the victim, it’s the actions of the abuser that speak for themselves. A victim of Stockholm syndrome marrying her hostage-taker would therefore justify his actions. Something being obviously abusive for involving physical violence and humiliation, things that normally make people at the very least upset, yet being enjoyed by women who are groomed into a submissive role since childhood, is very alarming.